Sexual Grounding Therapy Concepts

1) Innocence, Curiosity, Excitement and Regulation

These are fundamental concepts in Sexual Grounding Therapy. The idea that sexuality is, in its origin, innocent is not unique to SGT of course, but the idea of helping clients to rediscover their sexual innocence central to the way I work with sexuality, not only in an SGT context, but also in my one to one and couple practices. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, sexual desires and impulses are seen as needing control and external regulation, even if they’re not seen as ‘sinful’, which they often are in these traditions. The problem is that, if you repress a desire or impulse, it often becomes distorted by that repression so that, when it does emerge, as it inevitably will, it really is no longer innocent.

In their natural state, children are curious about everything, including their own and others’ sexuality. There’s no reason for this curiosity to be something we grow out of as we grow up. If we can remain open to new ways of seeing and experiencing our world life remains joyful and inspiring whatever our circumstances. This is especially true in long-term relationships where to remain curious about our partner and ourselves as sexual beings in instrumental in keeping our relationships alive and vibrant.

Life, in general and sexual life in particular, is naturally exciting. We come into this world open to its excitement and, as with our curiosity and innocence, this isn’t something we have to grow out of as we mature. If we can be open and sensitive to our experience, both of our internal and our external world, our (sexual) life can remain exciting until we draw our last breath. All too often we desensitise ourselves, often because of difficult experiences, and repress our natural excitement. Life becomes boring and it’s easy to think that the solution is to ‘make’ it more exciting. This applies especially to the way we experience and express our sexuality.

The word regulation sounds like it could be quite repressive especially when applied to sexuality, but, in Sexual Grounding Therapy, we differentiate between regulation and control. Young children naturally depend on their care-givers to keep them safe in all sorts of ways and this can involve a degree of external regulation. What we do, ideally, as parents is to create a ‘container’ within which our children can explore their innocence, excitement and curiosity safely. This emphasis means that we don’t have to shame our children or make them feel bad about their innocent exploration of their natural impulses. As they become older in this kind of environment, they will naturally begin to regulate themselves and this develops as they become fully mature and as self-regulating as any other organism on the planet.